Out of the Box

You guys!  I am so excited to tell you that my very dear friend Lauren from The Thinking Closet is releasing the paperback version of her book, Thinking Outside the Gift Box, and it's available for pre-order now!

I have mentioned Lauren on the blog several times as she is the queen of creative inspiration and all things DIY.  Her blog is both informative and uplifting, and I enjoy her writing so much that I read every post, even though (as I've said before) I can't DIY my own stick figures.

Lauren and I met in a literature class in college, and we became fast friends getting distracted sharing Marcus Aurelius quotes while studying for a quiz. We had the joy of being in our college's theatre group together, and many of my favorite college memories are with Lauren.  After college, we were bridesmaids in each other's weddings, and we have tried to visit one another as often as the geographical distance between us permits.  Here we are, trying on hats during my visit to Orlando last May.

It is so fitting that Lauren's first book would be about loving other people through creative gift-giving.  Lauren is the most creative person I know, and she has a never-ending supply of gift ideas. She is the kind of person who knows exactly what to do and say to make you feel seen and loved, and it is so generous of her to share many of those ideas with us in her book.  It is a fun and easy read, and it comes just in time to help ease the stress of holiday gift-giving.  The gift ideas are not expensive, and there are lots of options for those who are (like me) less craftily inclined.

Lauren released her book last year as an eBook, and everyone who read it raved about how helpful it was.  I love to have an actual book to hold in my hands, and it seems I am not the only one.  By popular demand, there is now the paperback option.  For those who do prefer to read electronically, there is a PDF package available, and there is also the ultimate package that comes with the paperback book signed by the author and a gift-giving supply kit with four surprise items.  Just click on this link to browse through all three packages and find out which is the best one for you.  And, as an added bonus, once you buy your first copy, Lauren will send you an email with a discount code to purchase additional gift copies at a discounted price. Lauren is an expert storyteller, and she will keep you engaged from the very first page till the end of the book.

When I read her book for the first time, I was surprised and happy to find that I was mentioned in it a couple of times.  :)  I'm proud to have gotten to be even a tiny part of such a wonderful project.

Please let me know if you get her book, and what you think!  I'd love to chat about it.  Happy gifting, everyone!

*Full Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you make a purchase after clicking through, ginabooton.com may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for your support.

Saying Goodbye

“How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

 -A.A. Milne

On Wednesday, my sister-in-law (and best friend) Danette and her two kiddos, Theo, age 3 and Maeve, age 2, walked out my front door and drove away to catch a flight to Houston to join her husband Micah.  To live.

If I’m being entirely honest, I have to admit that I have a little bit of an inflated ego about my friendship with Danette.  Sometimes, if I’m having a rough day or feeling insecure about something (especially meeting new people), I’ll remind myself, Well, Danette likes me, so I must be pretty cool.  She’s the kind of person who makes everything more fun.  I’ve often caught myself looking over at her at social functions and thinking, If she wasn’t my friend I would want her to be.

We went to MOPS together last year, and when a speaker said something funny or moving I wouldn’t even have to look at her to know she knew what I was thinking.  Even if we’re not exactly on the same page, I can be pretty sure she knows what page I’m on.

We’ve been friends since she was thirteen and I was sixteen, and even though I was dating her brother when we met, she and I stayed friends after he and I broke up.  I wasn’t about to lose her over a boy.  She came to visit me every year in college and I went to visit her when she moved out of state for a summer job.  Later, after things got patched up and A. I were getting married, it seemed just too good to be true that my sister-in-law would also be my best friend.  And it has been.  Absolutely too good to be true. 

In the last seven years, through three moves between her family and mine, we went from living the distance of a five minute drive from one another, to a seven minute walk, to a seven minute drive, all in the same small town.  We saw each other at all kinds of extended family get-togethers and birthday parties. Danette would bring her kids over every Thursday, and we would drink too much coffee and eventually let the kids watch an episode of Kipper or Curious George or Little Bear while I made my famous macaroni and cheese for lunch.  You probably didn’t know that my macaroni and cheese is famous, did you?  Well it is.  I can’t take all the credit, considering I make it out of a box, so Annie gets some of the credit for sure.  But as far as the kids are concerned, it’s all my doing.  I’m okay with that.

Danette told me that a while ago, Theo was talking about how he sometimes feels shy.  He said, “But I’m not shy for Auntie Gina.”  And then later, “She makes me macaroni and cheese.”  Oh, Theo.  I’ll make it for you when you come to visit, okay buddy?  I promise.  The other day, I stopped by their house (when it was still their house) and he ran up to me, looked me right in the eye, and excitedly asked me to play superheroes with him.  I happen to love superheroes.  Um, yeah, I’ll play superheroes with you.  Anytime.

And then there’s Maeve (rhymes with brave, and she is).  I can’t even describe her.  She’s two, and such a powerful little person.  Every Thursday, as soon as she gets to my house, she asks me to hold her.  I think she can tell it’s my favorite thing to do.

I’m not sure I’m going to like Thursdays very much anymore.  Honestly, if this first Thursday with them gone is any indication of what the future holds, I know I’m not going to like Thursdays anymore.  I woke up in the worst mood.  Nothing seemed fun anymore now that Danette was gone, and I was listless and irritated by basically everything.  Frankly, I was not unlike a toddler who just needs to take her blanket and her teddy bear and have a good nap.  That might have helped me, but you can’t nap at 7:00 in the morning when you have five kids to take care of.  So instead I did what I needed to do, and wallowed in self-pity the whole time. 

Waking up last Tuesday and Wednesday with them here was way more fun.  They stayed two nights in my guest room because their house was empty and Micah was already in Texas working.  It was magical to see the cousins wake up and eat breakfast together.  They all play so well with one another. 

Tuesday night I stayed up way later than I should have; it felt like if I never went to sleep then they wouldn’t have to leave.  But Wednesday morning still came, of course.

Before they left, Maeve had me hold her even more than usual.  She climbed in my lap before I finished sitting on the couch and she stayed there until it was time for them to leave.  At one point, her soft hair brushed up against my cheek and it was so sweet, I felt a searing pain run through my core like when you touch something so hot your skin begins to blister instantly.  When the doorbell rang and it was time for them to go to the airport, she spun around and buried her little face in my neck like she knew it would be a long, long time until we were together again.  When I gave her to her mom so they could leave I noticed that her hair was wet with my tears.

I walked into the living room and sat on the couch.  My eight-year-old daughter climbed up next to me and put her arms around my neck.  We cried until our eyes were tired and sore.

I know I should be happy for them.  (And I am, really.)  This is a great opportunity for her husband’s career and an adventure for their family.  I’m so proud of Micah.  I should be thankful that I can visit, and that the pain of saying goodbye to them as they move is nothing compared to the pain of saying goodbye forever through a death or a broken relationship.  And I am thankful, but…

In college, my friend Karis used to say, “Don’t should on yourself.”  I needed to hear that then, and listening to it now, I feel an urge to let go of all the ways I “should” feel, and just be sad.  Because, darn it, I’m really sad.

A few hours after they left on Wednesday, I pulled up in front of their house.  Knowing it was completely empty inside made it almost feel like a different house, and yet it felt the same.  The memories were there.  I could picture Theo and Maeve sitting on the front porch, playing in the yard.  I felt like I needed to cry but my eyes were dry and itchy.  It was pouring rain outside, and I watched the raindrops slide down the driver-side window, blurring my view of the house.  It was as if the raindrops were the tears I couldn’t cry. 

The achy, needing to cry feeling has lingered through the week.  I know Danette and I won’t have any trouble “staying in touch.”  I’m already planning to go visit her in September and they’ll come home for Christmas and vacations in the summer.  We talked on the phone almost every day when she lived practically down the street, so I know we’ll still talk all the time.  She’s going to have an amazing time in Houston, and I’ll be okay here.  But I reserve the right to feel a little sorry for myself every Thursday morning, and to be really sad about having to say goodbye.  Because I don’t want to say goodbye.  It's so hard.  I am so lucky.

How MOPS Saved Me

My sister-in-law Danette invited me to attend MOPS with her at the beginning of this year.  I was a little hesitant because I felt like I didn’t have enough time to see the friends I already had, so I didn’t know if I needed more friends.  Also, I was content with my life the way it was, or so I thought. 

I had heard of MOPS, or Mothers of Preschoolers, before, and I knew it was a group of women with kids younger than first grade who got together and… well… I didn’t exactly know what it was that they did.  It had never really occurred to me to try to go because in addition to taking care of my own three children, I also work from home full time.  Danette (who is not only my sister-in-law but one of my very best friends) strongly encouraged me to come to at least one meeting and see for myself if I thought it was something I would enjoy.  I went to the first meeting and was immediately hooked.

We meet every two weeks and have breakfast and coffee(!) and mingle and listen to speakers talk about things that are relevant to us as women and mothers.  The theme this year was “Be You Bravely” and so we devoted a lot of time to finding out who we really are so that we can more fully and bravely be ourselves.  

We took several personality tests, and I discovered that I am an extrovert.  I had absolutely no idea.  All this time I thought I was an introvert that needed people, and it turns out that I’m an extrovert who needs alone time.  No wonder many of my days of motherhood have felt a little lonely.  It makes sense that I’ve felt happier since I’ve had MOPS to look forward to every two weeks.  

Meeting with other moms who are also interesting people and discovering—and rediscovering—my strengths has been so empowering.  We took the Gallup StrengthsFinder Assessment, and Relator was my number one talent.  I always knew that relationships with other people were very important to me, but I didn’t realize that relating to other people was my number one strength.  Since finding that out, I have made it a point to spend more time with other grown ups, and to connect with my friends from college who live far away more often over the phone, text, and email.  

Some women from my MOPS group started a book club, and I joined. I actually took the time to read the books. We had some mom's night outs where we would get together in the evenings and talk, and I went.  I began to make new friends, and to find the time to see them.  As a result of being involved in this amazing community, I have started to feel like my “old self” again, like the person I was in college, with original thoughts, ideas and things to contribute.  I didn’t know I had started to feel like “just a mom” until I didn’t anymore.  Even starting this blog came as a result of knowing how important it is for me to connect with others, and starting to feel like I did actually have things to say.  Interesting things.  Things besides “Please pick up your toys,” or “We don’t put LEGOS up our nose,” or “You can feel free to have ice cream with us if you eat at least three more bites of your green beans.”  

Community is so important.  I genuinely believe we are not meant to live in isolation.  Extroverts or introverts, I think it is important for us to have a community of people where we can be seen and see others, where we can connect.  Sometimes we don't even know it's missing til we find it, like what happened to me. I have been telling every woman with young children I know that, if possible, they should join a MOPS group.  For moms who work outside the home during the week, there are even some groups that meet in the evenings.  But if MOPS isn’t for you, I would encourage you to seek out some sort of community.  A film club, chess club, book club, any kind of club.  Or a small group at your church.  Or an intramural sports team.  Or maybe just try to get a group of friends together every couple of months to debrief on this whole life thing that we’re all in the middle of.

Since taking the StrengthsFinder Assessment was so eye opening for me, I would love to know of any insights you had about yourself when you took it. What are your top five talents?  Did you agree with the results?  Mine are Relator, Developer, Intellection, Input, and Empathy, and they seem to fit me well. If you haven't taken it, it's a fun way to spend half an hour (and ten dollars.)  :)